We have the same sentiments, I am an eldest daughter and I give money to my Mom, my Dad and my Bro. My brother is just having his ojt and eventhough i have given him money for a month, he ask again for some more after a week. This would put me into boiling, then here comes my Mom to the rescue. I also want her to enjoy her money but she would rather give it to my brother than buy something for herself…

I am a mother of a 17 month old little boy, sometimes i give in to his cries and it made me wonder if years from now, I would also give in to his uncontrolled expenditures… I do hope he will grow up to be responsible though …

Maybe all mothers are like that, we cannot just say no to our children and we do everything for them even to the point of soliciting their bad behavior ….

Hi Mom of Issa,

Your love is so great and it brought me to the brink of tears..

What does one of my brothers say? We will always be 12 years old in your eyes.

And as you know, the house that I bought with your help was an investment. Paying off a credit card debt for purchases that you yourself said should not be bought hardly qualifies as an investment. But to be fair to my brother, he did not ask for your help. And he is more than able to pay his credit card debts, I think.

And in case you missed my last line:

“Just a reminder, from me to you (and me to me) – to learn to discern when to push when the overpowering feeling is to embrace, to keep the fist tight when the heart is screaming because all it wants is to be abused, to not be afraid to be the one to dole out the lessons, realizing that greater love is needed for the greater good of the one who will be left behind. Because your children – they need to be able to stand on their own two feet and they have to learn – sooner rather than later – to go on without you.”

… please know that I realize that I will go through this (with or without your “You will realize that mom is right after all”), that I will probably make the same mistake, that I will not be able to help it because I am genetically predisposed (as is the rest of womanity – well, the mothers, at least). But hopefully, with the lessons and my personal realizations/journey, I can handle it better. And I am sure you would wish that I can handle it better.

I love you too, mom. And thanks for reading me.

And just a confession – I like it sometimes when you look at me as if I were still 12-years old.

The first time I logged in to your website, I did not get to read your entire article about Mom giving money to a son for his credit card account. Now, I’ve read it, and this silly, silly woman wants to say something in her defense.

No. 1 – Like I’ve already told you, I have not withdrawn the money you’ve given me. It’s still there, so no problem there.

No. 2 – Yes, I’ve helped your brother and I used my own money to help him out. And, like you said, that is my prerogative. It’s my money and I have every right to give it or lend it to anybody I want to, especially to someone who has also been trying to help me out in a lot of ways. You’re a mother, too, but your daughter is still young so you would not really know yet about these things. Believe me, when you get to my age and you look back, you will realize that, yeah, my mom is right after all! Like your brother will learn his lesson, too. It might take time, but he will know. But in the meantime, I will always be there for him like I always try to be there for ALL of my children and my beloved grandkids.

No. 3 – I always try to be there for all of you. Hmmm. The money you gave me is from the sale of your property that your late Dad and I helped you to buy. I don’t want to go into this, but for the reason that I am trying to defend myself, it has to be said. And I know you have not forgotten. You might say that that’s different from your brother’s circumstance, but hey, you both needed money, maybe for different reasons, but you still needed help and since we can help at that time, and you’re our children, and WE LOVE YOU, so we helped. Period. No questions asked. Maybe a little hesitancy like when I helped your brother, but in the end, I did it anyway.

In short, Sweetheart, I maybe silly but this silly woman loves all of you. Who knows how long I will still be here for you all, but while I’m here I want to be able to show that I care. I may nag, I may curse at times, I may be too sensitive, I may worry a lot for no reason at all, I may do some things the wrong way, but the fact remains that I feel blessed and happy because I have you and your brothers and my C, and R and R. Looking back myself, I did some things, or rather, I was not able to do things I should have done (or I did not do enough) for your Dad and my own mom and dad when they were still alive. And I don’t want to make the same mistake ever again. So help me, God.

Love you,

Mom