Having a house is the ultimate dream. I have dreamed about it but never thought I would have it so soon, thanks to parents who have generously thought of providing for their children while they and the children are still young and the parents can see and feel the gratitude of the children for that wonderful (and needed) gesture (okay, dole-out).
Indeed why wait for death, or why imagine that your children are waiting for your death, before giving your children what you are thinking of giving them anyway? But this is for another story and for another time.

In the year 2009, the world was rocked by stories of foreclosures, foreclosures which have been instrumental in bringing down the single most powerful economy in the world – that of the United States.

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I have a confession to make. I have not written my will.

I do not know what is stopping me – not the thought of invincibility because slowly I am finding out the truth and fact of my humanity. Not for lack of knowledge – I have drafted wills for others and other more complicated – and more sober (sobering?) – documents. Not for lack of having given it thought – because I have.

Then what?

Because writing a will is an emotional exercise and I am not sure if I can handle the enormity of it. It is half love letter, half goodbye letter, transmitting all of your hopes and dreams to people you hope not to leave behind too soon. It is a practical letter, an inventory of your life and what you have accumulated in terms of the material and the familial and the emotional. It has a potential to be controversial, leaving in its wake disappointments and tensions and conflicts that you no longer can put under control. It is a testament to what your life has been, to what you valued and continue to value. It is a last heave before you and your life and your words says caput.

And how do you say goodbye?

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Something bothered me.

I was looking at my financial duties for 2010, staring as far out as December, when the imminence of what I have to pay struck me: huge life insurance premiums.

Do you have the thought that sometimes you may have bitten more than you can chew?

Years ago, when I bought those policies, business was good and was not yet bogged down by recession woes. I felt I could do anything – be anything, buy anything. My financial planner convinced me of the wisdom of obtaining life insurance (my second attempt at it). For peace of mind, she said. And I did have it. I remember thinking while driving one day that my family will be okay if… But now, that same thing that gave me peace of mind is shattering it.

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The twilight of the years – everyone is heading there. Thanks to medicine, people now have a lifespan of 80 years. Whether that is good news or not, the fact remains – we have to prepare for a long life. But how grand or how miserable your exit will be is up to you.
Yes, in [...]

I was not big on savings. As a matter of fact, that was the last thing I would do, literally. I would pay the bills, of course, and then have a good time (of course) and then, if there is money left, the money goes to the bank. This happens maybe, oh, twice a year. It does not help that D and I share the same interest (or obsession) – and those are eating in nice restaurants and watching movies (and going to spas, and buying Nike Shoes, and Zara dresses, and bags, uhm).

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The first few days of “The List” were hard. The Indays were on the defensive track. They knew they were being monitored and they did not like it. They staged pseudo-hunger strikes and then asked me for a budget for them for food so they will not eat ours. I finally sat them down to talk and I explained to them that I was not at home all the time and it was hard for me to understand why the food is being consumed so very fast when my husband and I hardly eat at home, or why the Meralco is so high, or why four long bars of laundry soap will only last 2 weeks. I told them that I was sorry to have made them feel that way but The List was just a way for me to understand. I did not know how long food or water or gas should last and usually, my expectations are not very reasonable. I wanted to be free of delusions. I did not say it but I also wanted to be free of suspicions. It was not a very good way to live. For either me or the Indays.

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It could be quite frustrating to be told that you cannot buy something that you really, really want to have. But that is the function of a financial planner – he will tell you if you can, when you can, how you can. He is my personal financial brakes, someone to tell me that I am going overboard, or that I am just being silly.

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